


A Little off the Top

by overused_underrated



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Acceptance, Body Dysphoria, Body Image, Body Modification, Canon Non-Binary Character, Coming Out, M/M, Nonbinary Beelzebub (Good Omens), Self Confidence Issues, Self-Acceptance, Self-Discovery, Self-Esteem Issues, They/Them Pronouns for Beelzebub (Good Omens), Trans Aziraphale (Good Omens), Trans Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2019-11-10
Packaged: 2021-01-26 17:44:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21378034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/overused_underrated/pseuds/overused_underrated
Summary: NaNoWriMo - Day 9CW/TW: Transitioning, surgery, scars, body image / self esteem issues, body dysphoriaAziraphale sees himself, really seems himself, for the first time after his surgery. No more bandages to hide under. He gets to see himself as he truly is
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 56





	A Little off the Top

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Tyler- who will always be in my heart](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Tyler-+who+will+always+be+in+my+heart).

Aziraphale was standing topless in front of the mirror. This was the first time in weeks that he had seen himself - truly seen himself. There had been visual inspections, healing check ins, doctors visits. He pretty much slept for the first week and lived in an ice badno for two. After that, Aziraphale had gone back to work- the bookshop couldn’t manage much longer without him. 

It occurred to Aziraphale that Crowley had seen more of his chest than he had! Crowley had helped change his bandages, managed his pain medications, scheduled and drove him to his doctor appointments. He was a saint, or rather, an angel. Crowley had done it all without argue or complaint. “Whatever it takes, Angel,” he had said. “I’ll be there for you, every step of the way.” What had Aziraphale done to deserve someone as incredible as Crowley? 

Aziraphale looked with a scrutinous eye. His belly was large and round, littered with pale stretch marks. He still had a muffin top and love handles (why those might change he didn’t know. They weren’t part of the surgery…) He chest was significantly flatter- a major plus. The swelling was mostly gone and his scars were almost healed. The incisions were no longer lobster red; they had faded to a softer maroon/pink combination- a great sign. His nipples, though...Aziraphale shook his head. They weren’t even. One was higher than the other and they didn’t quite match. _ My right one is fine, but my left one looks like a pepperoni! _ He gently touched his skin, letting his fingers feel the flatness. It was smooth and level. Something he hadn’t felt in such a long time…

Despite all of the flaws he saw, he was happy. He finally felt better. Not right. Not perfect- but _ better _. That was the whole point. To feel better about himself; to feel more comfortable in his own skin. Who cares if his belly jiggled when he walked or his shirts needed a little extra room? That meant Crowley would get to drown in his sweatshirt- that's a boyfriend’s dream!

Aziraphale stared and stared at himself. He inspected every bump, bend, nook and cranny of his torso, hoping to know it and be able to map it by memory. Aziraphale had been concentrating so hard he didn’t hear Crowley come in. 

Crowley crawled across the bed, inching towards his Aziraphale, who was standing close in front. He smiled and wrapped himself around his boyfriend, slithering his hands across Aziraphlae’s belly. “Angel…” he cooed, “what are you doing looking so fetching?” 

Aziraphale rolled his eyes shook his head in annoyance, “They’re not even." 

“What?”

“My nipples...they’re not even,” his voice dripped with pain.

“Well, I have an extra one, so that makes us even, don’tcha think?” Crowley laughed. 

Aziraphale chuckled. Crowley’s hands bobbed up and down with Aziraphale's stomach. “I guess it does.” 

Crowley rose to his knees and gently kissed Aziraphale’s shoulders. “So...how do you feel? Physically, that is. Not...medically physical,” he shook his head in annoyance. “You know what I mean!" 

Aziraphale’s hand found a home on top of Crowley’s. “Different. Good different.” His voice was softer, more optimistic. “It feels...strange, in a good- relieved kind of way.”

Crowley smiled into Aziraphale’s neck. “You look happy. Happier than I’ve seen you in a while.” 

Aziraphale abandoned Crowley’s hands and turned round to face him. “And you? Are you...happy? With this?” He searched Crowley’s eyes for the truth- hoping for the best but afraid of the answer. 

“Angel…” he hushed. “I love you for you. Not for what’s in your pants. If this makes you feel better, I support you- 100%. It doesn’t matter to me what pronouns you use or how you dress. As long as I get to wake up to your beautiful face and call you mine, I’ll be fine.” Aziraphale wrapped his arms around his love, pressing every so lightly against Crowley.

“Thank you…” he cried. Aziraphale knew all too well how cruel the world could be. It was plain as day when he told his parents, his family, his friends. There were tears and anger, confusion and denial, some minor blasphemy. Even those who supported him struggled in the beginning. Crowley was only one who was 100% supportive right off the bat. (Beelzebub was extremely supportive of him, though Aziraphale didn’t consider him a friend at that point. They had suggested their therapist- who was wonderfully supportive and helped both of them through the challenges of “coming out”). 

“I know, Angel. I love you,” Crowley whispered. Aziraphale squeezed just a little bit tighter. The pain was worth it. As he let go, Crowley pulled his angel into a kiss. Something just as easy as a hug but with a lot less pain. Aziraphale eyes welled with the surge of love and acceptance and a few tears graced his cheeks. “Come now, love. No need to get upset,” Crowley said, wiping away his tears. “Why don’t we changed and head to the new pastry shop that opened by Benny’s, hmm? I heard they make a killer tiramisu!”

Aziraphale smiled and kissed Crowley’s forehead. “That sounds divine.” 

“Come on, then. You can’t walk around London topless… Well, actually. I guess you can now.” Aziraphale laughed at the notion. It was true, though; he did have the ability to do so without getting fined. He didn’t care about that. Aziraphale took one more look in the mirror and smiled. He smiled without forcing it. _ That’s _ why he did it. He did it to actually enjoy how and looks and feels. That's what was most important. Everything else was just a happy bonus. 


End file.
